Friday, January 30, 2009

Call me in the morning

Oh yeah, baby. This one's smooth, real smooth.

Warning: I'm on an early-70s kick this week. If you're over 40, I predict this little number will Rock your Friday in a most pleasing manner.

Coconut, Harry Nilsson

Now I need an umbrella drink.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Pull up, Red Leader!

Went to the doc today and learned that, according to last week's MRI, I do NOT have to have shoulder surgery. To say I am relieved would be... uncannily accurate. I now have months and months of less-than-pleasant physical therapy ahead of me, but I can handle that. Sleeping in a recliner and not being allowed to drive for weeks? Not so much.

The other blessing of the day was that my doc upped my antidepressant dosage just a wee bit. In years past I have been proactive and gone to a higher dose in November, transitioning back to my normal dose by the end of March. Somehow, last year I managed to get by without it. This year, not so much.

I felt silly bringing it up so late in the Dark Season, but suckage is suckage, whether one's looking at four more months or eight more weeks of it.

Those who are blessed with a reasonably steady flow of neurotransmitters and 'holding tanks' large enough to see you through times of stress, I salute you. But for those of us who just aren't that lucky, that little nudge toward 'normal' can be a thing of beauty and joy.

So anyhooze, I anticipate being able to approach life from a more humorous angle here very shortly. And maybe, if I'm really, really, good, I might even be able to fully shave my right armpit again sometime before the end of the year.

It's the little victories that make life so damned sweet.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Let's do this thing!

We're going to do it. We are going to get me moved into Mr. B's house.

Stop laughing! I mean it, this time. We really are.

Sure, I've been talking about it since shortly after we started dealing with The M-word, and here we are, ten months later, still going back and forth between the two houses. They're only three miles apart, but it's still a pain, trying to remember who has underwear where and which house has the new bottle of cumin*.

Oh, sure, I've tried to re-frame it, dubbing Mr B's house the City Home and mine the Country Home in a lame attempt to make it seem like a lifestyle choice, but all the lipstick in the world ain't gonna make this pig any less of a hassle**.

It's not like we've been making no progress. We've had some work done on Mr B's house to get it ready, and we are maybe one weekend away from calling it ready.

But then we must face the real problem (cue scary music): My Garage. The garage where I threw the boxes I threw everything into when I finally moved the last of my crap out of the Ex's house a year ago.

Sorting those out sounds like tons of fun, doesn't it?

The alternative is to drag all of that old crap (literally and figuratively) over to Mr B's house. Frankly, I'd rather not. I'd like to sort it out and be done with it, IYKWIM.

I just don't want to actually have to do it.

But I am going to do it. We are going to get moved, and we are going to get it done by the end of next month, which, coincidentally, marks the beginning of our record-breaking Second Anniversary Season.

Srsly. I'm not shitting -- it's going to happen this time. Start the clock. This game's on!

* BTW, it's always 'the other one'

** No, I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Stuck in the middle

Here's that delayed shot of Fridays Rock! I promised you.

Heard this on the radio yesterday and was stunned to find this amazingly sophisticated (for 1972) video on YouTube. Hang on, we're firing up the Way-Back Machine again!

Stuck In The Middle With You, Stealers Wheel

I counted it up (took awhile) and was shocked to realized this song is Thirty. Seven. Years. Old.


To put it into perspective: I was twelve.

Yes, I'm fucking old and they're older still, but the song still Rocks!

Just like me.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Oddly specific

Fortune cookies from our lunch yesterday:

That one's mine. Sounds suspiciously like the old curse: May you live in interesting times....

Mr. B's was a little more direct:

Well, OK then. Scary, but theoretically possible. I wouldn't be setting up the office betting pool or anything quite yet, though.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Once more, with feeling

Apologies - no Fridays Rock! today. I'll give you a double shot next week. Promise.

Had my do-over MRI this morning. It rather sucked. It's amazing how less enjoyable an MRI is when you're IN PAIN.

The needle they used to inject the dye wasn't a problem; in fact, I got to watch the fluoroscope as the dye seeped into the little spaces and places in my shoulder. I'm a big enough geek to actually enjoy stuff like that. But then, the dye hit a certain place and the burn of a whole fistful of glowing-hot needles started working its way down my arm.

Yeah, I was a little surprised. Nothing in the little speech the tech gave me indicated that this might happen. He didn't even say the word 'discomfort', a sure tip-off.

But I wasn't leaving there without an MRI, so I pulled up my big girl panties and made my way into the MRI room where they arranged me in the exact same position as last time, on my back with my arm resting gently by my side, except now it was THE MOST FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION ON THE PLANET.

I spent the next half hour willing myself not to think about THE BURNING HOT ACHE RADIATING ALL THE WAY DOWN TO MY ELBOW. And willing myself not to start twitching and wriggling like an earthworm on a hot griddle. It seemed to go on forever.

But, as most things do, it eventually ended. After picking up my complimentary CD of the images (I am actually excited about looking a those when I get home), I got to drive myself to work, where I learned that any time I moved my elbow away from my body, OMGAAAaaaHHHhh! And, of course, the ONE DAY I wanted to retreat into my office and curl up in a ball, there was all sorts of activity and things that needed looking into.

I've been here for three hours now. I've decided I'm not going to last the whole day. I think there is some leftover medication sitting at home with my name on it.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dark Days

Ah, late winter. Does anyone above the 45th parallel north not dread it? Post-holiday, pre-taxes, cold, dark... the only positive is that I feel a minimum amount of guilt climbing into my jammies before dinner.

My personal period of crabitude has been dubbed The Dark Days, defined as the days I leave (0730) and/or return (1730) home in the dark.

It starts settling over us in mid-October. The post-Halloween time change stalls the full impact for a few weeks, but by Thanksgiving it's all over until, cloud cover permitting, we start seeing the light on both ends of the commute around mid-February. Eventually we reach the Period of Maximum Goodness when we stop triggering the automatic driveway light and can get to and from work without the headlights on.

The most unfair thing about The Dark Days? Its effect on my mood doesn't line up nicely with the sunlight curve; like most things, it seems darkest just before the dawn. February, even though it marks the end, seems to be the longest 28 days of the year.

Ain't that always the way. sigh...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Wednesday Weirdness

Wow, I'm completely blocked. I've been trying to write this post all day but nothing's come out. So I guess that means it's time for...

Wednesday Weirdness #39!
Warning: One question below has a mature theme. Continue at your own risk. Not suitable for those with any measurable couth.
1.) Do you drive with your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel?
Nope, more like 9 and 3. Or 8 and 4. Sometimes just 6 or 12. If I'm eating a Whopper, I use my knees. But don't tell anyone.

2.) How long do you keep cards given to you on birthdays and holidays before throwing them away? If you don't throw them out, what do you do with them?
I used to keep some of them because I felt guilty tossing them but I've finally learned that like popcorn, they're best enjoyed fresh. Unless they're photo cards, after a month or so they win a trip to the big blue recycling bin.

3.) If, when you die, you could will any one of your characteristics to your children (child/future children), what would it be and why?
Introspection, self-analysis, whatever you call it. It not always a good thing, but overall I think my ability to self-reflect has probably saved me a few thou in therapy over the decades.

4.) What is the best personality trait you got from your mother and the best personality trait that you got from your father?
Mom = humor, or musical ability. Dad = Affinity for math & science.

5.) What is something that you wish you had a better understanding of?
Ugh. Just one thing? Right now, I'd have to say the software package for which I'm supposed to be providing technical support.

6.) What makes you nervous?
When something unfamiliar is going to happen and I don't know what to expect. Loss of control over my surroundings! Argh!

7.) What is the strangest household object that you have ever or would ever use for help in masturbation?
Uh... I'm afraid I'm not that creative.

8.) What do you have sitting on the countertop in your bathroom?
Everything. Pill bottles, face stuff, hair stuff, tissue box, you name it. Heaven forbid I should have to dig through a drawer for something.

Let's hear it for TMI!

Monday, January 19, 2009

She's here! She's here!

Evil Twin is here for a visit.

I'm stuck at work.

Mr. B and ET are having fun without me.

That's just so very wrong.


Friday, January 16, 2009

All I Wanna Do

OK, buckle your seatbelts for the First Annual (?) Visit by Evil Twin edition of Fridays Rock! Yes, Evil Twin is right this very minute winging her way across the country to come hang out for a few days.

To honor this rare and precious event, I'm posting the song that we hollered at the top of our lungs back in 1995 when we joined forces for a combined family trip to Myrtle Beach.

All I Wanna Do, Sheryl Crow

You know, 14 years and a couple thousand miles later, I feel it's still pertinent.

Here's memory for you, straight out of the Strange But True category.

You might remember that nine years ago this week, I believe, in January 2000, Evil Twin came out to meet Young Son (who was all of 4 months old) and mock me for being newly-40 years old with an infant. But she could get that since, a few years prior, she also was 40 years old with an infant.

We hung out, I made her paint my kitchen, and we met a mutual acquaintance from years past who happened to be living nearby for dinner. That old friend, of course, was Mr. B.

So here we are nine years later (almost to the day, I think - I have to check) and she's coming out to hang with me and Mr. B in a completely different context.

We most certainly will be having a Girls' Night Out Reunion w/Mr B at the same restaurant. And we most certainly will be havin' some fun.


A little sumpin' sumpin'

Two posts today, my lovelies. You'll just have to come back for your Fridays Rock! fix.

Lately I've been enjoying Suzanne's Twenty Four At Heart blog. I can't even remember how I found her, probably some random blogwalk. Something about her writing just touched me. It's not a straight-on humor blog; rather, just a simple, honest chronicle of what's going on with her.

The fun part is that she lives in Orange County and frequently blogs about the bizarro lifestyle there and the characters who live it.

The touching part is that she is recovering from an accident and is chronicalling her journey through physical therapy for major shoulder trauma. As I have already been through physical therapy for my left shoulder and am currently dealing with problems in my right shoulder, this strikes a chord with me. I can relate, even if my problems are a pale ghost of hers.

The icing on the cake - she's about my age, although thankfully I don't feel twenty-four at heart. And that's a good thing, believe me*! In my case, that would be truly terrifying. I'd settle for somewhere in the 35-40 range.

Not long ago she was talking about sex toys (!) and received a 'goodie basket' from a 'toy store' (wink, wink). She described what she got and which ones she liked best, all in a very matter-of-fact way, like she was just sitting down with friends over a glass of wine. As you can guess, that generated quite a bit of buzz on her site. This week she's been running a Decadent Indulgent contest to give away two very important items; a sex toy and a panini press. I mean c'mon, what else could a woman possibly need?!? Of course I'm in!

You can enter as many times as you want until midnight Friday by leaving a comment listing one of your favorite decadent indulgences. And even if you don't get there before the contest ends, go check it out. Reading the comments has turned into quite a fun exercise all on its own.

You'll know if I win when I drop off the face of the earth for awhile. Although it's been many decades since I've faced a sex toy - not sure I remember any more how that all is supposed to work. Hopefully it comes with instructions.

* If you don't believe me, ask Evil Twin. She can testify. (shudder!)

Thursday, January 15, 2009


I heard a clip of Maria Bamford on the radio the other day and it reminded me how much I like her. I swear it's some of the funniest shit I've ever heard.

I thought it only fair to share.

I'd describe her a little, um... off-beat. Wouldn't you agree?

I need to find her CDs. I need more Maria in my life.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I'm a big girl now: I had my first MRI today. What fun! Actually, it wasn't bad. I'd talked to several people who'd had one and, like anything else, reactions varied. For some folks it was very difficult and stressful. For others, no big deal.

I was relieved beyond measure to learn I'm in the latter group. I'm sure my heartbeat and respiration were higher than normal, but I didn't feel like screaming. I thought that was a good sign.

Two things in particular made it bearable: They gave me headphones playing my favorite radio station, and the room was cool so I could feel fresh air coming into the tunnel. I can't imagine getting through 20-25 mins. of that racket without music to focus on, and if it the air had been warm and still, that might have been a problem. I'm not particularly claustrophobic but breathing stale air in a close environment can make me feel a wee bit panicky. And that most definitely would have sucked.

Surprisingly, the toughest part was dealing with my post-nasal drip. I was running late this morning and didn't use the neti pot* and oh, how I paid for that omission. It felt like I was trying to swallow a necktie. Since coughing was forbidden for most of the procedure, I swallowed a lot. Mmmm!

The procedure itself was kind of interesting. First, a short, 20 sec. scan. That gave me an idea of the volume level, which seemed tolerable. Then a minute, then 3.5 mins., then 4.5 mins., then two scans that took ~12 minutes total. It was interesting to note that the different scans each made a different sound; the first four parts anyway. After that I lost track. Too busy swallowing that necktie, I guess, and rocking out to Michael Franti & Spearhead.

The tech showed me some of the pix after and that was the best part. It was just black & white, but it was cool, just like on the TV. I really wish they could have rigged up some sort of display inside the tube. I would have loved to watch. Yeah, I'm weird that way**.

Then, just as I was ready to call it good, I learned that the paperwork I had authorizing the procedure was different from what they had. There was supposed to be an injection. Which, as you might guess, has to come before the MRI.

So I get to go back Monday morning and do it all over again. This time, new and improved with a big needle!

I'd better get to see the pix. And there damned well better be an injury discovered. That's all I'm sayin'.

* Have we talked about the neti pot? Oh, but we must!

** Ask Mr. B about his sentinel node mapping. I'm afraid I embarrassed myself there with my enthusiasm.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Things I can do

  1. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. At least I used to be able to. To be frank, I haven't tried in awhile.

  2. I am almost always the first one done eating at the table. In school, I used to almost always be the first one done with a test. Not that I did any better, but I was fast!

  3. I can read things upside down pretty fast. I can read backwards, too, but it takes me a little longer.

  4. I can remove stitches as long as they aren't too embedded. Actually, I'm pretty good at wound care in general, for a lay person.

  5. I do a very passable imitation of the call of a Stellar sea lion.

And you? What thing you can do?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Housecleaning 101

We cleaned house this weekend. I've talked before about how much I dread housecleaning and the effect that has had on my offspring over the decades. It's not been pretty.

This weekend, while struggling to find a way to motivate Young Son without nagging*, I uncovered the naked truth; the deepest, unvarnished expression of my feelings about housecleaning.
Mom's Axiom #43: Housecleaning is like throwing up. It sucks, but sometimes you have to do it anyway. The longer you put it off the worse it gets. But when you finally do it, you feel so much better.
Doesn't that just about sum it up? Housecleaning is almost exactly like puking. Except for the smell, if you're lucky.

No, it didn't propel Young Son into a cleaning frenzy. But it did seem to cut the whining by about 43%. I'd call that a success.

* Yeah. Good luck with that.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Found Object

The holidays are over, and life is settling in to whatever 2009 will bring. I'm ready to get back into a Fridays Rock! frame of mind. How 'bout you?

Here's a little somethin' that caught my ear awhile back (couple of years now??) but I never got around to following up on it. They played it once or twice on my favorite radio station but it apparently didn't sit well with the other members of the aging 'adult alternative' market 'cause I never heard it again.

I finally did track it down and was intrigued. Give it a go. It's especially hypnotizing if you have a mind-altering substance at hand, but those of us you with lots of prior... experience can put our yourselves in that special place with no chemical assistance.

Bullet and a Target, Citizen Cope
(You can see the real video here.)

That's some good shit there, Maynard. Yes indeed.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Release the pigeons, I'm back! The conference was just as much fun as you might guess, but since economists dress w-a-y better than statisticians and apparently don't command the good swag, I didn't get any good pix for you.

But today I learned a new thing.

The company I work for has an office in New Mexico. There's been a little email discussion going on about a sales tax increase that just took effect. I don't do sales so I paid no attention and happily deleted the emails as they came in. However, this note caught my eye:
If I remember correctly, we thought that there was going to be a rate increase in July 2008, but it was actually delayed until January 2009. The rate increase is related to a Spaceport tax...
Wait a minute.

Spaceport tax?

Now, as a consumer of massive amounts of science fiction, I thought that was incredibly funny. 'Spaceport', ha! Probably just a fancy new airport with a whiz-bang name. So I sent an email to one of my co-workers in NM, all, like, 'Ha, ha, ha! Spaceport! Aliens! WhoooOOOooo!'

Well, as my co-worker so politely pointed out, it's no joke, people. New Mexico is building a friggin' SPACEPORT!

Am I the only one who didn't know about this?

Am I the only one whose mind is completely blown?