Waiting for the shoe

Oh, I had such big plans for this summer. I was going to be a pro-active, advocating parent. I would single-handedly fix Young Son's dyslexia! He would be tested and evaluated and diagnosed, and I would work with him on this remedial reading/phonics tutoring program I bought, and it would make everything all better so he would be ready to attack fourth grade with confidence and mad skills. Problem solved.

But first I had to find a tester. It took me a few weeks to locate the lone clinical psychologist in town who could do it. I was able to get an appointment for a few weeks out. Step one: Check!

I was relieved, yeah, but also really nervous -- what if he told me there were other issues? What if he tried to tell me Young Son has ADD or whatever and needed medication? I knew in my heart that wasn't the case, but I'd heard a rumor that all the kids in school who are on meds go to this guy. He's pretty much the only game in town, and what if we didn't like him? What if he was a dick? I couldn't trust this diagnosis, which would affect my son's entire academic career, to a dick. But how would I find someone else who could give us a diagnosis before school starts? Pleaseohpleaseohplease let him not be a dick....

The Ex and I showed up at the appointed time and felt immediately at ease. The doc was not a dick; rather, he was a really nice guy who asked all the right questions. I knew they were the right questions because I had spent several days Googling dyslexia and was now an authority, just as a pro-active, advocating parent should be.

The doc interviewed us extensively about Young Son's entire life. I was horrified to realize that I could not recall the vital stats of my son's early life. When did he start to talk? To walk? Did he hit the normal developmental milestones on time? I didn't know there would be a test -- I hadn't studied! What kind of mom doesn't recall that stuff? A sub-standard one, obviously; not a pro-active, advocating parent. Despite my failings, we felt it was successful interview. My main criteria were satisfied: The doc was not a dick and he asked all the right questions. I could only hope that my answers had contained some kernel of reality and I hadn't just been making stuff up*.

The first testing session available wasn't until mid-July. So far away! I asked the doc if I could go ahead and start the magical tutoring program that would fix Young Son's dyslexia. No, he thought it would be better to wait until we had a diagnosis, since the program might turn out to be inappropriate for whatever issues the testing turns up.

Crap.

Weeks passed. It was time for the first two hours of testing in mid-July. Young Son liked his 'teacher'. I was afraid he would be frustrated by the testing but he seemed to enjoy it well enough. Two more hours of testing in late July. Didn't quite get through it all, so he needed one more hour, which was scheduled for early August. That's OK, we still had time to get a diagnosis in hand before school starts.

But oh noes, early August came and the doc was out sick. Soonest we could reschedule was the day after school starts. Then, of course, it would take a while for the doc to compile the results and give us the report.

Crap is officially upgraded to shit.

So we will start fourth grade with no diagnosis. No answers. We won't have a report in hand in time for the meeting I'd scheduled, like a pro-active and advocating parent, with his old and new teachers for the week before school The $200 tutoring program is sitting, untouched, in its box in the corner. Young Son's dyslexia remains unfixed.

And don't tell anyone, but I'm still kind of afraid that the diagnosis will be more complicated than I'd hoped, and that there won't be one magical tutoring program I can use to single-handedly 'fix' it.

You know, I'm starting to think this might turn out to be more complicated than I thought.

* Yeah, I do that sometimes. I know you're shocked.
 

Call to action

Today's the day things start happening.

This afternoon Mr B & I return to the LHRMI where we will learn how much they're going to cut off the top of his head this time. We will also learn whether they have any other special activities planned for us him.

We're going to get dinner out after and I'm guessing there may be Adult Beverages involved, possibly even one apiece! gasp!

Also, I made an appointment for an initial consult with the dyslexia-tester guy, three weeks from now. Pinning someone down and having an appointment set is a big relief.

Now all I have to do is find a renter for my house and finish up PT and everything will be perfect!

Everything will be perfect, right? Guys?
 

Circular logic

Since Dyslexia research is my current Shiny project and is therefore taking up approximately 85% of my available brain cycles, that's what you're getting today, whether you like it or not.

(Hey, you think it sucks? Imagine how Mr. B feels about now!)

The goal: Find a certified tester who can give Young Son the battery of tests needed and interpret them correctly to pinpoint exactly what's going on.

As common as dyslexia seems to be, such a tester is surprisingly hard to find in this area.

I was lucky enough to get Young Son an appointment at the Naval Hospital this morning. I'd had a couple of people tell me that the Naval Hospital has 'resources' for Dyslexia and was excited to learn what they were.

Well, according to the head of the Pediatrics Dept., the short answer is no. He wasn't even sure who to refer us to. While we were in his office, he called the premier developmental clinic out in town and was told they only test for disabilities up to age 3, after which they refer to the school system.

Shit. You already know what the school system told me. Back to Start, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, and lose a turn.

So I am to find a certified tester, then call the pediatrician and give him the contact info so he can put in a referral. I doubt Tricare (military health insurance) will pay, but with a referral at least they'll look at the claim.

I have phone calls in at a couple of places and should be able to pin someone down fairly soon, but I am really shocked at how difficult it is to plug in to resources.

Makes me wonder how parents who don't sit at a desk playing with Google all day and who aren't stubborn as hell and who can't afford to pay handle it?

Troubling.
 

Struggles

I struggled over whether to write about this, but I figured that those of you who know me personally will learn about this eventually anyway, and those of you who don't know me, well, it's just a story about people you don't know. No big.

So anyway, Friday was the Mother's Day Tea in Young Son's class. The kids presented the moms with all of the stuff they had made, one being a little booklet with two photocopied 'coupons' at the end.

The last coupon said:

Mother's Day Coupon
This coupon is good for

------------------------------------
For all you do for me!
Young Son had elaborately hand-colored the photocopied pattern around the border, and had printed, in more-or-less capital letters, "I WILL HLDE MACK MY NATE DOT", which, he said, read "I will help make my neti pot."

It's totally adorable. Upon closer inspection, I noticed he had written and erased it at least once. He really worked hard to get it just right for Mom!

Now take into consideration that Young Son is not five or six or seven. Young Son is almost ten years old.

Ten years old.

Even though he has lagged behind in reading, writing, and spelling since day one, he's funny and smart and clever and has an amazing imagination and has always managed to make just enough progress each year, somehow. It's come up a couple of times that there might be some sort of slight learning disability, but hey, he was making progress, and sometimes boys develop those skills more slowly, right? So let's wait and see.

Wait and see, year after year.

Well, somehow on Monday it all came together. I pulled out that coupon book and stared at it. I started researching online and reading about Dyslexia. And within ten minutes I knew in my heart that this is something we have to deal with. Now.

You know, it's amazing what you can not see if you don't want to see it.

So now what?

So far this week, I learned that the school system does not test for Dyslexia and does not offer special ed or tutoring for it. The best we can do is have him evaluated ourselves and, if he starts struggling in the fall (4th grade) we can bring in the results and call for a 'team meeting' to talk about accommodations and a 504 plan; things he can have to help him get through his work, like more time to do his work, verbal testing, etc. But any special tutoring he gets will have to be on our time (and our dime). I was really surprised to learn that, but that's OK really, because that means I can do the research and we can be sure we get it right.

Finally.

I feel really, really bad (I mean really bad) that I didn't face this before now, but I am bound and determined to do everything I can to help Young Son learn what he needs to learn. I am very, very lucky that between the Ex and myself, we have the resources to pay for whatever needs paying for. I'm learning more every day about Dyslexia and what our options are, and I will be having him evaluated as soon as I find someone qualified to do so. Then we will choose a program and start working on those skills that did not come naturally to him.

But that adorable coupon that he worked so hard on will always remind me that I let my fear prevent me from doing what he needed me to do years ago.

And that sucks.