Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Weird Shit That Has Happened To Me #2137: The Voice

For the last week or two, most mornings as I turned on the monitors, computer, desk lamp, etc., on my desk, I'd been catching the faintest sound of a snippet of a garbled voice.

I tried to pin it down, but as I eliminated possibilities my theories got more and more ridiculous. Were my speakers picking up a snatch of CB talk, even though they were powered off? My second monitor also has a built-in speaker, but it's not connected to anything. Could it be that? Is that even possible? Does my computer have some kind of weird virus that produces sound upon boot-up? Did someone hide a prank electronic toy in my office that somehow talks when I turn on my computer? Or maybe do I need to get my meds checked again?

But yesterday, as I turned on my desk lamp -- the one with the fancy full-color halogen (fluorescent?) bulb -- I heard The Voice. I happened to be looking in the exact right place at the right time and there it was: Sid, the talking fast-food toy.

I turned the lamp off, then on, then off, then on. Each time the lamp fired up, Sid obliged me with one of his snappy, unintelligible catchphrases.

I picked up Sid and rotated his left arm. He told me "everyone loves Sid." I smiled. No one was going to believe this. I needed to shoot some video! I set Sid back on the lamp base and pulled out my camera. Turned off the light, hit record, and turned the light back on.


I spent the next ten minutes trying to replicate the exact conditions. No joy. Sid just stood there. The moment of magic was gone forever; my opportunity for a once-in-a-lifetime video of an apparently unreproducible phenomenon shot all to hell on the whim of a plastic sloth.

Fuck you, Sid.