Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Rant: If you sprinkle

The best part of travel is definitely the airport bathrooms, no contest. I'm particularly enamored of the wet toilet seats. I freakin' live for wet toilet seats, especially after a long flight spent wedged in a middle seat between two people with no sense of personal space. Makes it all worthwhile, somehow.

If the light's right you can see the tell-tale glimmer and wipe before sitting. But if you miss the cue... well, there's nothing quite like that cold and lonely feeling of sitting in a stranger's piss. Extra points if it's still warm.

I just can't wrap my head around why some women are so afraid to come in contact with the seemingly-clean-yet-somehow-completely-filthy toilet seat that they will hover and piss all over it then walk away.

Dearie, exactly what parts of your body are you rubbing on the toilet seat?

Touching the backs of your thighs to the edge of the seat while executing the Modified Squat will not immediately infect you with HIV. And that little bit of leverage improves your aim significantly. If you are, for some unimaginable reason, incapable of the Modified Squat, at least wipe up after!

The kicker is that the women who are most afraid of Death by Toilet Seat seem to be the very ones trashing the place.

Get a grip, ladies! I have an 8 year old son who makes less mess than you.

1 comment:

  1. Here's an alternative for the toilet seat phobic fems: Use toilet paper to lift the seat. Tinkle. Put the seat down with another wad of TP. Wash hands thouroughly until you feel clean. Congratulate yourself for doing unto others what you would have done unto you.


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