Thursday, November 13, 2008

You got to move it, move it!


"You know, Ted, I feel like we've grown really close. I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like at least nine weeks and five days."

"I know what you mean. I feel like I know everything about you. But sometimes, it's just... I don't know..."

"What, Ted? What is it?" Oh no... not now!

"Well, I really can't think of a good way to put this so I'm just going to throw it out there. Please, please don't take this the wrong way, but... sometimes, I get this notion that, uh, that we're not going anywhere."

"Really?" Alice said innocently, as her stomach flipped dramatically.

"I mean -- oh God, I knew this wouldn't come out right -- it's got nothing to do with you, honest! You're great, you really are. And the more I learn about you, the more I realize how great you are. And how great we could be together. I know we could be great together, if only..."

Alice sighed, her shoulders slumping. She knew exactly where this was going. "I think I understand what you're getting at. We've shared so much, over the phone, long conversations over dinner, long talks over coffee, long talks during long walks. It's been, well, lots and lots of talk, but no action. Right?"

"That's it, exactly. I'm so glad you understand! Do you think there's a chance we could figure out how to... move forward?"

Alice glared at the ceiling, mouthing the foulest curses she could think of.

"Alice? You there? What do you think?"

Alice sighed, steeling herself to throw the turd on the table. If he could handle this, they might just make it after all. "I want to, Ted, I really do, but there's something I need to tell you first."

Silence. "Uh... OK, what is it? Do I want to hear this?" His voice sounded suspiciously neutral.

Alice took a deep breath. "Well, it's November, right?"

"Yeah, all month long, as I understand it..."

"Um, Carol says we have a new Writer, see? And, well, she has a problem with, ummm, intimacy. The Writer, not Carol, although from what I hear, this month hasn't been a walk in the park for Carol and Bob either..." Alice realized she was babbling. "Anyway, the Writer seems to balk at writing, uh..." Alice stalled, trying not to admit to herself that she was blushing, "um, erotica. She can't seem to write it." Alice listened as hard as she could for any sort of giveaway sounds from the other end.


"So even though we've had amazing dialog and some mind-blowing, emotionally charged scenes revealing our pasts in excruciating detail, we might not be able to get past this point, at least right now."

"Not now? Then, like when? Tomorrow? Next week?"

Alice was relieved that he sounded more curious than frustrated or sarcastic. And it sounded like he had been planning on some action, which was very encouraging. Their few make-out sessions had been fun and pretty hot, really, but were becoming increasingly frustrating. A gal can only be happy at second base for so long, you know.

"Well, if we're lucky, she'll get her act together soon, like, oh, in the next week or so. Or maybe the week after, week four, when she wraps stuff up. But if she just can't do it, we might have to, uh, wait until December 1st when she moves on and leaves us the hell alone." Alice winced, her eyes squeezed shut, waiting. This is make or break time...


"I know, it sounds a long way off but Saturday is the 15th so we're halfway there..." Alice hoped the phone conveyed her optimistic tone. C'mon, c'mon, Ted, don't bail on me!

"December? Really?"

Damn, Ted sounded like someone just stole his dog and shot his car. No, wait, that didn't sound right. Reverse that.

Alice forged on, determined to sell Ted on the idea of hanging in there for the big payoff. "But maybe not. Maybe she'll get past it soon. I mean, she's got us to the point where there isn't much else to say. We've pretty much given up our entire life histories already, and the novelty of our wacky hijinks at work is starting to wear off, too. It's getting to be inevitable, I'm sure of it. Besides," Alice dropped her voice low, almost to whisper, "I went to the Mall yesterday, to Victoria's Secret? And I bought some, um, outfits, know what I mean?" Alice resisted the temptation to add on the nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

"Outfits? Really? Like, fun outfits?" Ted's voice perked up considerably. Alice hoped that wasn't the only thing.

"Yeah. I was going to keep it a surprise, but I think it's a really good sign. I think we're getting there. Honest."

"Fun outfits... wow..."

"So, are we good? Think we can hang in there for a little longer?"

"Oh, sure. But, hey, I gotta go. Something, uh, something just... came up, 'k? Call you tomorrow?"

"Sure, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hope everything comes out all right."

"I'm... sure it will. 'Bye!"

Alice flipped her phone shut and rested her head on the back of the sofa, smiling at the ceiling. Yep, Everything is going to be just fine!


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