Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The agony of defeat

Will the Bride-anoia never cease? Now it's the US Postal Service that's fucking with me.

The Ecstacy and the Agony: A story in three acts.

Act I: For approximately the thirty-fifth time in the past forty-eight hours, Bridezilla logs into Yahoo! Mail and clicks on the link in her email to check the tracking info on the package containing her custom-made wedding bands. Bingo! Package was received at the post office at 6:34 a.m. It's now 11:55 a.m. Bridezilla must decide whether to blow her entire lunch hour driving the 28.5 minutes to the post office and back.

Act II: Bridezilla weaves in and out of traffic all the way down to the quaint little backwater post office where her golden prizes await. She can feel the latent Squee!! pressure building to dangerous levels as the odometer ticks off the miles. She pulls into the post office parking lot. It's suspiciously empty.


The quaint little motherfucking backwater post office is closed from noon till 1 o'clock.

Act III: Sullen and defeated, Bridezilla stops to get gas, having wasted the last gallon in her tank on the 20+ mile drive to the motherfucking back-ass-water post office. She races back to work. The clock reads 12:57 p.m. as she passes the turn-in to the strip mall. In an act of defiance, she pulls in and stomps into the grocery store to buy a Diet Coke, only because she doesn't have a corkscrew in her desk. She walks in the office door at 1:03 p.m. Her demeanor dares anyone to comment on her tardiness.

No one speaks.


So, how was your day today?

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