Friday, September 3, 2010

The Universe 'n' Me

I think I've just found the name of my sitcom! You know, for when someone in The Biz decides they want to create a sitcom out of my life...

Never mind.

I have an interesting relationship with the universe.

It's taken me a good 30 years to figure it out, and I feel pretty confident that my (sometimes inconsistent) model of The Way Things Are works for me.

The upside of my particular belief system is that when bad things happen, I don't feel I'm being punished. Shit happens, you know? We all have to learn to deal, strive to do the best we can with what we got, and let go of the rest. The downside is that there's no one "up there" (or "down there") to blame things on.

But sometimes (and don't tell anyone, OK?) I do like to imagine my Mema is sitting on top of a cloud watching over me, and sometimes I do like to tell myself the universe is rewarding me specifically. Take, for example, the past few weeks.

Life has been rough. Many FGOs (Fucking Growth Opportunities) have come my way. Some of them I have handled gracefully; others, not so much. It's been very hard. I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I'm drag-assing, whining every step of the way, but I'm persevering.

So then these random acts of squee! start happening.

First, after a particularly crappy day, I scored some major great deals on plants I had wanted for the back yard but couldn't afford to spend big bucks on.

Thanks, Universe!

I'd been dreaming of a fancy-pants blender. I've been making a lot of smoothies using my trusty stick blender but I figured it would be nice to have the right tool for the job, since I was caring for sick people and all. However, the top-rated brands cost a LOT of money! So every few weeks I'd pick up the notion, look at the reviews and the price, and set it back down. Stalemate.

One recent Sunday I was wandering around Costco with my ten pound box of oats when I saw it... a blender demo in the center aisle, one of the two brands I'd been eyeing. I was drawn to it like a magnet and stood through the entire demo transfixed. My $6 Costco trip blossomed into a $400 Costco trip, but I didn't even care. The universe had made the decision for me. And, BTW, the blender ROCKS!

Thanks, Universe!

Last week I picked up the mail from my post office box and found a mysterious check, seemingly legit. Turns out it's from the settlement of a class action lawsuit by employees of, ahem, a large discount store chain against said large discount store chain. Five years ago I worked there for nine months. The check was for a thousand bucks.

Thanks, Universe!

Lovely Daughter came home bearing her defunct Macbook. It had had a teeny splash of liquid spilled on the keyboard and was behaving inconsistently. She had been told that because it was liquid damage, it would cost almost as much to repair as it would to buy a new laptop.

I decided to take it in to the local Apple Store just to see. Well, as it turns out, there were some chips in the plastic around the keyboard that qualified it for a FREE keyboard replacement. All better! For FREE!

Thanks, Universe!

And that, my friends, is the beauty of subscribing to the Burger King(r, tm, whatevs) model of spirituality. Sure, it's inconsistent as hell, but I can have it my way!


  1. It's balance, grasshopper. If you're going to get the stuffing knocked out you with some regularity, you're entitled to some mana, in the pre- WoW sense.

    Mema's got you covered.


  2. I'll give you three out of four on that; I'm not so sure about the blender. :-)

  3. Frank: Just substitute the favorite (expensive) toy of your choice for the word 'blender'. Actually, in that case it was relieving me of the decision that was the gift.

  4. Yeah, I've been there. Mine was a Big Green Egg. I couldn't really justify the expense, but when they had a 10% discount, as measly as it was, I decided to get one. Before I bought it, there was a BGE demo, and I got a demo Egg (used only once) for 20-25% off. DING!

  5. ET's Much Older SisterSeptember 3, 2010 at 3:31 PM

    Jeez, Liz. You should use some good stuff happening to you during this crappy time. But, man, I'm really wanting that Big Green Egg now, Frank! Who knew??

  6. ETMOS, I don't regret my purchase. Everything from steaks/chicken/brisket/pork butt to pizza, enchiladas, and bread!

    (My oven hasn't worked in two years, so I use the Egg. :-)

  7. Excellent! I'm so glad to hear that the universe is cutting you some effing slack for a change, Liz. I subscribe to the same BK mentality when it comes to spirituality.

    Hurray for mystery checks in the mail!!

  8. FGOs (Fucking Growth Opportunities)

    Can I borrow that? It so aptly describes the past 10 years of my life!

    And I swear there must be some humor setting switched on your captchas! I get the oddest ones!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.