Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Uppercut

Golly, has this ever been a tough week! I thought the last couple were rough, but this one is turning out to be a real ball-buster. Thankfully, nothing significant has happened IRL but I still keep finding myself on my knees, and not in a good way, either.

I can't even think of a flip way to sum it up. The only word that comes to mind is 'heartbroken'. I am walking around heartbroken, every day, all day. No matter how I try to frame it or work it out, I just can't seem to get past it.

My heart is broken.

I found myself in the grocery store at lunch today, fuming because they had yet again hidden the garlic, and I was almost overcome by the urge to throw myself on the ground kicking and screaming like a four-year-old. Don't these people realize that my heart is fucking broken? How can I possibly be expected to play their passive-aggressive little game of "Find the garlic" when I'm walking around with a bruised, dripping mass of hurt in my chest?

I've had some sucky times in my life, but this is the hardest time I have ever had to live through, by far. The suckiest part is that there is absolutely no guarantee that it will pass any time soon.

Suck it up, Buttercup.
 

9 comments:

  1. hmmm, you took the words right out of my mouth. sometimes I look at people and wonder why they can't understand just how flipping heartbroken I am. I wonder how th eworld can keep on going while I feel like I'm dying inside. then I hear my grama's words, "this too shall pass" and I wanna scream, "Ya, well hurry the eff up and pass already!" I'm totally with you on this one!

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  2. God, how my heart goes out to you. I have felt similar, crying on the bus, crying in line at Safeway, wishing I wasn't alive to feel this pain.
    My heart just aches for you. I am so sorry. I will pray for you.

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  3. It's always the fucking garlic they hide, isn't it?
    xo

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  4. Oh Liz, I'm so sorry. I wish I had words to help your heart. You're in my thoughts.

    xoxo

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  5. Thanks, guys. I'm hopeful I'll figure it out soon, but right now it sucks AND blows.

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  6. WOW, you have captured that heartbroken feeling so well in this post. I have been right there, my DH lost his battle with cancer January '09, and I thought I would never recover. My heart(not quite so broken now) goes out to you.

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  7. Liz

    I so get how your feeling. My heart is broken too. It is so hard to watch this big guy be in pain and waiting on a biopsy to tell us what direction to go.

    I still work at Fred Meyer in PO and I work nights. So I just try to hold it all in till I get home then I sniffle for a bit then go to bed then get up again cuz I am crying. I don't want to wake him up. But I want him to hold me.

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  8. You're on my mind a lot these days, Liz. I hate this for you.

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  9. You don't know me Liz, but I know your husband. We've worked on numerous projects w/Gov since 98 and been awhile since I spoke w/him. I want to let you know you both are in my prayers. PW

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