Golly, has this ever been a tough week! I thought the last couple were rough, but this one is turning out to be a real ball-buster. Thankfully, nothing significant has happened IRL but I still keep finding myself on my knees, and not in a good way, either.
I can't even think of a flip way to sum it up. The only word that comes to mind is 'heartbroken'. I am walking around heartbroken, every day, all day. No matter how I try to frame it or work it out, I just can't seem to get past it.
My heart is broken.
I found myself in the grocery store at lunch today, fuming because they had yet again hidden the garlic, and I was almost overcome by the urge to throw myself on the ground kicking and screaming like a four-year-old. Don't these people realize that my heart is fucking broken? How can I possibly be expected to play their passive-aggressive little game of "Find the garlic" when I'm walking around with a bruised, dripping mass of hurt in my chest?
I've had some sucky times in my life, but this is the hardest time I have ever had to live through, by far. The suckiest part is that there is absolutely no guarantee that it will pass any time soon.
Suck it up, Buttercup.
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hmmm, you took the words right out of my mouth. sometimes I look at people and wonder why they can't understand just how flipping heartbroken I am. I wonder how th eworld can keep on going while I feel like I'm dying inside. then I hear my grama's words, "this too shall pass" and I wanna scream, "Ya, well hurry the eff up and pass already!" I'm totally with you on this one!
ReplyDeleteGod, how my heart goes out to you. I have felt similar, crying on the bus, crying in line at Safeway, wishing I wasn't alive to feel this pain.
ReplyDeleteMy heart just aches for you. I am so sorry. I will pray for you.
Oh Liz, I'm so sorry. I wish I had words to help your heart. You're in my thoughts.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Thanks, guys. I'm hopeful I'll figure it out soon, but right now it sucks AND blows.
ReplyDeleteWOW, you have captured that heartbroken feeling so well in this post. I have been right there, my DH lost his battle with cancer January '09, and I thought I would never recover. My heart(not quite so broken now) goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteLiz
ReplyDeleteI so get how your feeling. My heart is broken too. It is so hard to watch this big guy be in pain and waiting on a biopsy to tell us what direction to go.
I still work at Fred Meyer in PO and I work nights. So I just try to hold it all in till I get home then I sniffle for a bit then go to bed then get up again cuz I am crying. I don't want to wake him up. But I want him to hold me.
You're on my mind a lot these days, Liz. I hate this for you.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me Liz, but I know your husband. We've worked on numerous projects w/Gov since 98 and been awhile since I spoke w/him. I want to let you know you both are in my prayers. PW
ReplyDelete