I can't even believe that was just one year ago. Yeah, as you might suspect, today kinda sucks. Luckily I had enough foresight to take off work.
I'd originally thought I'd want to spend today looking at wedding photos and memorabilia, but the truth is I can barely stand even thinking about our trip to Vegas. I'd even considered getting a tattoo today but I don't think that's going to happen. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, I am not exactly the Queen of Acting Out, or even the Duchess of Impulsive Decisions. Oh well. It would have been a grand gesture, though.
Instead, I'll be leaving the house shortly and running errands most of today. Later on I'm meeting Pal P for dinner. Then I'll pick up Young Son, come home, and spend the remnant of the evening staring at something stupid on the Teevee. Way to commemorate the occasion, eh?
Sometime in the next few days I'll probably pack up The Shrine, a bulletin board over the sideboard in the dining room where I've been posting all the cards and letters I've received. I may even pack up the remaining wedding memorabilia (the Yay! flags and origami flowers) that has (have? has?) been sitting on my bedroom dresser for a year. No idea what I'm going to do with my dress -- there's no way I can ever wear is again and looking at it in my closet does not make me happy. And his suit was pretty expensive. I can't imagine getting rid of it but it doesn't make sense to keep it, either.
The worst thing, though, is that sometime last weekend between 10 am Friday and 10 am Saturday I lost Mr. B's wedding band. I'd been wearing it on my thumb since I sent him off with the funeral home guys. I'd thought of putting it away today, since it was a little loose and kept threatening to slip off, but instead it's disappeared. I'm trying to be a good sport about it, telling myself that Mr. B just wanted it back, but it doesn't always work.
We were married for ten months, two weeks, and two days. I keep trying but there's no way I can convince myself I'm OK with that.
To summarize: It sucks. It all sucks.
(I wonder how many times I've used that word since June? Probably a lot.)
My dearest friend --
ReplyDelete“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-- Christopher Robin to Pooh
It does suck. Thank you for the picture, it is lovely.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of you especially this week, knowing today was your anniversary. The only silver lining on Neal not being here for it was how much he would have suffered between now and after your retreat. Maybe that retreat was your "gift" since he would not be able to last for the anniversary. I'm glad you had those good days before everything took such a sharp turn. It does suck. How is it possible that he's so quickly gone?
ReplyDeleteI still think that ring is going to show up eventually... and at a time when it will be meaningful... and you've stopped looking for it.
Hugs your way. I loved seeing the photo also.
Kathy
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I’ve just started blogging about my own manic break and hospitalization. It’s about recovery and treatment, but more importantly about discovery of a new post-religion faith where there is no hell, no original sin, you are God, and heaven on earth is real, radiant and right around the corner. A wild and triumphant ride. http://graduatingfromgod.blogspot.com/
ReplyDelete