Rant

Five things I hate about automated voice answering systems.

1. When the options presented have no apparent correlation to my question. I'll make a halfhearted attempt to play their little game before I start punching 0. If that doesn't work, I'll push random digits until I reach a human.

2. When it asks me to punch in my really long account number, which I screw up at least once, only to have the human I finally reach ask for it again.

3. When I call late in the day and hack my way through the trees only to learn, at the end, that the office is closed for the day.

4. When I'm confronted with a voice recognition system. Need I say more? I would love to hear a recording of my tone of voice when I'm forced to talk to one of those things. I guarantee that it would make my children (and my Ex) break out in a cold sweat.

5. When it requires more than three responses to reach a human. That's when it officially becomes Too Hard, or even More Trouble Than It's Worth.

I have a sneaking suspicion that in many cases, no matter what we enter, we end up at some randomly assigned desk. Sometimes I think they install those systems simply to stall us -- to wear out the weak of heart who lack the fortitude to soldier on through the maze.

[I'm also convinced that all flavored coffees are actually only one flavor, two max, and that it's all just a marketing scheme. In a blind test, could one really tell from sniffing alone whether beans are "French Vanilla" or "Hazelnut Mocha?" I think not. But I digress....]

I heard that there's a website somewhere that has the secret tricks to bypassing the automated answering systems for many companies. I really need to find it and bookmark it.

Grr.