Monday, August 18, 2008

When I think about you

Once again, Evil Twin causes me to aspirate my lunch. Damn her!

She writes:
My well-woman appointment was this morning. Since I moved last time I never got a GYN, just used the trusty family practitioner. Actually, this was not a sacrifice, since he's as cute as a spotted pup. Usual scene, waiting in the paper gown, making sure the mini-blinds are TOTALLY closed, humming along with the classic rock station -- "Hits of the Eighties, Nineties and TODAY!".

Dr. A and his trusty 50ish nurse enter and proceed to conduct the preliminaries, lung/heart/lymph/tongue check, it was time to *slide on down*. This is where I usually count the holes in the acoustic ceiling tiles.

Dr. A begins his routine, slippery goo tube in hand. Softly from the overhead speaker wafts...
I love myself I want you to love me...
(Oh-h-h no...)
When I feel down I want you above me...
(I don't believe this!)
I search myself I want you to find me...
I forget myself I want you to remind me...
I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself...
I look over at the nurse, and she looks me right in the eye. We tried, but there was no way we could deny what was happening. She cracked a smile, and I swear, I tried, but I snorked so loud that the speculum popped right out. Poor Dr. A was clueless. I guess he was still in med school in 1991, hopefully hitting the books too hard.

He looked at me. Was the goo too cold? Did I have the hiccups? The nurse pointed to the speaker, and he pauses for a moment and slowly turns the color of an eggplant.

Poor guy.

She has got to be more careful with that thing. She could'a put someone's eye out.
 

4 comments:

  1. Yikes. Good thing you have a sense of humor.

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  2. Oh, boy. Just the story I wanted to hear before I go in for my exam.

    I can't stop laughing. Thanks!

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  3. Wow that's a funny story, less of a women would have called a lawyer from her care.

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  4. Oh my... that is the most freakin' hilarious thing I've heard all day. My appointment is in 2 weeks. Ugh.

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