What happens next

Mr B and I spent a large portion of yesterday in the clutches of a Large, Highly-Regarded Medical Institution that, oddly enough, still maintains its medical records on thin sheets of dried wood pulp*. It was a fascinating glimpse back into the 20th century.

Anyway, next week they are excising an area about the size of a children's wading pool from the top of Mr. B's head in hopes of banishing any remnants of melanoma and obtaining the coveted clean margins.

Learning that the prognosis is good and getting the info on what is supposed to happen next week was nice. The Keystone Cops atmosphere of the clinic with people running around in circles looking for paperwork and tracking down doctors while we sat, and sat, and sat, was not nice.

During the extended waiting portion of the program we enjoyed reading the sex tips in the Cosmo mag they so thoughtfully provided. I learned that things have not changed much in that department over the last 30 years**. In fact, I think it was the exact same magazine I bought in 1978 with a different cover. And since fashions have pretty much cycled around, it may well have been the same cover.

But the highlight of the day was when the plastic surgeon told us that the best wound dressing is a maxi pad. Mr. B visibly blanched. It was awesome!

Did I mention that two days after the procedure, Mr. B and I are hopping on a cross-country red-eye flight for Lovely Daughter's graduation***? I only pray that they are generous with his pain meds and that he has enough to share....

* ‹rant› I swear, Mr. B filled out the information about medications and medical history at least three times and still had to recite the information to at least one of the residents. Insane. As much as I bitch about Navy medicine, they've got it all over the competition in this regard. ‹/rant›

** Another Cosmo article had 20- and 30-somethings describe the horror and trauma of walking in on their parents having s-e-x. It took me a moment to realize that those parents were probably our age. Then I realized that those young whippersnappers can only hope they're enjoying a vigorous sex life at that (read: my) age. (smirk!)

*** Even as we speak, he's shopping for tasteless ball caps to complete his ensemble for the occasion.
 

Cost of doin' bidness

Lovely Daughter's in the final couple of weeks of grad school. She's making many trips from CT to NYC for meetings with managers and agencies and casting folk and the like. Next week, the whole class is off to L.A. to do the whole thing over again.

You know what? All that shit costs money.

And you know what else? Grad students typically have, like, no money.

Today I received her weekly appeal for funding.

I don't know how we are all expected to blow this much money without loads of help.

OK, here goes...

My trips to NY:
Two train tickets at $28 apiece.
Transportation (lots of cabs, I was running all over the city and this will never happen again) I probably spent around $200 over the span of three days on the yellow chariots of death.
Food- Once again probably around $200 for all three days.

Other business:
I have a friend who used to be a hairstylist for Aveda who said she could touch up my roots and trim my split ends for only $60 bucks and a bottle of wine. This is going to save loads of money. The other salon is great but too damn expensive. I was going to try and squeeze by without doing this but it's never good when the casting director eyes my roots and says "Hmmm... natural redhead? Hmmm..."

I just ordered more headshots and that cost $168.

I'm about to go have my resume printed on the back of my headshots and that should cost $20.

I was told that I looked squat and that my costumes were not flattering so I had to get new ones. That cost me $150.

And there you go. I'm also wondering how L.A. is going to work with transportation/food/whatnot. I can't rent a car yet so I'm going to chip in with some other classmates. They don't provide us with food either, not so surprising when you consider that we'll be in LA LA Land.

Alright, breathe... breathe....

Let me know what you think and just keep in mind that when I start booking all my commercials and voice-overs you will be paid back in full, plus interest, with puppies and diamonds.

love you and thank you,
LD

Puppies and diamonds?!? Count me in!!

p.s. I got $854 + a bottle of wine. What'd you get?

p.p.s. The next person that tells her she looks squat is going to get bitch-slapped.
 

Run, baby, run

On this edition of Fridays Rock! we're* giving you another excuse to shut the office door and crank up the volume.


Run, Baby, Run,Sheryl Crow, Tuesday Night Music Club

I just unearthed this CD from the back of my CD cabinet. I'd completely forgotten about it and how much fun her songs are to sing. Not only does Sheryl Crow make groovy music, but her songs are (mostly) in my range.

Very nice of her to keep me in mind, don'tcha think?

* That would be the Royal We. It's really just me.
 

F 'em all!

OK, 'conservative' is not a word commonly used to describe me, but there are days when I feel like this.


True Confession: I shot this with my cell phone camera while driving. As in 'dig my phone out of my purse one-handed then fumble to get it open and find the shutter button while all vehicles are in motion' driving.

One of these days I'm going to hurt myself doing this. For you. I only hope you appreciate it. I'm just sayin', is all.
 

ZOMG!1!!11!!

Speaking of Lovely Daughter, I just heard that she had a Very Nice Meeting today with some casting people at Warner Bros.

Can I just say?
My daughter.

Meeting.

Casting.

Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

Thank you.
:)
 

Career Day

Scene: In the car, on the way home yesterday evening.

Young Son: Hey Mom, I need to tell you something!

Me: (grunt)

YS: So tomorrow's Career Day at school? And we're supposed to dress up like what we want to be when we grow up? I'm going to be someone who does comedy. Hey, I can dress up like Jim Gaffigan!

Me: (ohsweetbabyjesus....)

It's no secret that I'm a Jim Gaffigan fan, and I certainly love to PMP as much as the next person, but c'mon! How can I possibly encourage a second-grader to pursue a career as a stand-up comedian? Like Lovely Daughter earning her MFA in acting isn't enough drama for one household.

Shit.

But a second-grade Career Day does not a lifestyle choice make. So after much discussion about clothing options, which included reminding him that he did not own a suit coat, we discarding the always popular all-clothes-on-backwards gag in favor of a more subtle look -- his Caliente Pockets t-shirt topped with an open button-down shirt. I thought we were all set...

...until this morning, when he decided that instead he wanted to wear the button-down shirt mis-buttoned over a plain t-shirt, with one cuff buttoned and the other opened. Wow!! Does that scream WACKY! or what? Oh well. At least he didn't choose Gallagher*.

Oh yeah, and Talent Day is coming up. I managed to gently discourage him (I hope) from singing along to an mp3 he downloaded from the Bionicle website. Phew! But this morning he decided that he wanted to display his special talent to the school: singing the Super Mario theme song while demonstrating the neti pot**.

Direct quote: But I'll need a bucket....

I am not making this up.

You know, the more I think of it, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. Could there possibly be any better ammunition for future adolescent humiliation?

* Too bad I couldn't talk him into dressing up like a humor-blog author....

** BTW, if you have any sort of nasal issues and have not tried the neti pot, get thee to the drugstore immediately. Srsly. Go. Now. More info here. We started about a month ago at the beginning of allergy season and it has made all the difference in the world. I get a slight water-up-the-nose sensation (which I always hated) but it's just for a second and it's well worth it.
 

Rant: Stop givin' it up!

The Thing I Hate Most Today: When drivers give up their right-of-way.

C'mon people, I know you think you're being helpful and nice by stopping in the middle of the road to let the guy on the side street slip in, or by letting everyone else at the 4-way stop go first even though it's your turn, or any number of other examples that I can't think of because I'm totally furious right now, but here's a clue.

All you're really doing is creating a hazard and pissing me off*.

If you need me to lay it out for you -- or even if you don't -- I will.

• When everyone plays by the same rules, everyone know what to do and what results to expect, and no one gets hurt.
  
  
• Therefore, it follows that when rogue dumbshits decide to flaunt the rules and behave unpredictably, no one knows what to do or what to expect and someone may well get hurt.

Yes, you may cause an accident, even if your choice was made in the name of 'courtesy' and your intentions were 'good'.

And by the way, when you stop in the middle of the road to let the guy on the side street slip in? You are slowing down the flow of traffic behind you which may well cause the person behind you to miss the light. As happened to me just recently, coincidentally.

So while being kind and courteous to the guy in front of your face, you just f'cked the people behind you**.

Just knock it the hell off, 'k?

(Shit. I need chocolate.)

* Or maybe that's creating a hazard by pissing me off.

** Actually, that's kind of an interesting phenomenon, really. I didn't think that was possible.
 

The future?

Location: Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, Feb. 2008
Photo courtesy of Mr. B
Frankly, this scares the crap out of me*. I had never seen one of these signs before, but it did seem appropriate that it would be in the Phoenix airport. I really liked how large the sign is.

I kinda wanted to go inside and see exactly what an Adult Changing Station consists of but couldn't make myself do it. Heck, I was too embarrassed to stop walking long enough and let Mr. B take a proper photo.

What could an Adult Changing Station possibly be? A super-sized version of the Koala wall-mounted changing tables for babies? A configuration of hoists & pulleys and a firehose? Whatever it is, I'm sure the reality of an Adult Changing Station is much less interesting.

I just hope I am never, uh, relieved to see one of those signs**....

* Ha! Good one, eh?

** Snort! I kill me!
 

Let the sun shine

We're bringing it down a little on this edition of Fridays Rock!

Here's a little gem I found on my new Mike Doughty CD. Don't get me wrong -- it's still a great, rockin' song -- but it has a slightly more... thoughtful tone than most (OK, all) of my other selections.



Fort Hood,Mike Doughty, Golden Delicious

Fort Hood is the army base that has lost the most soldiers in the current war. I don't think of this song as political -- instead I think of the people who go to war and what it does to their lives. That sucks, no matter what your political bent. It's hard for me to listen to without choking up.

I spent 23 years of my life as an active duty Navy spouse, almost half if it during the Cold War. I know about respect for the chain of command (and Commander in Chief), patriotism, and duty. I'm grateful that there are people who will still go and do what's required*. I just wish the people who go weren't the ones getting the short end of the stick.

And I wish they weren't so f'n young.

BTW, I'm really liking Mike Doughty these days. As you may remember, this is not his first appearance on Fridays Rock!

* Yeah, I know. But I'm not going there.
 

Scene from a trip II

Scene: US Customs @ Dallas/Fort Worth airport. We'd been standing in line for awhile and it was finally my turn. I was a little nervous -- I'd never been through US Customs before.

Young, Nice-looking Customs Agent: What are you bringing back?

Me: Decorative items, t-shirts, crap like that.

Agent: Any food items?

Me: Nope.*

Agent: You didn't bring back any coffee?

Me, a little startled by the direct question: ...nope?

Agent, smiling: You went to Costa Rica and didn't bring back any coffee?

Me, catching on to the game: Well, I did drink a lot while I was there** and besides, I'm going back to Seattle. Why would I need to bring back coffee?

Agent: Yeah, but it's Costa Rica!

He handed me my passport, I smiled back, shrugged, and went on my merry way.

Thanks for the brief pleasant interlude in an otherwise long day, Mr. US Customs Agent!

* Kind of a fib. I had brought back a small bottle of Salsa Lizano for Ex. I forgot about it until I said nope, then decided it was too late to backpedal. Oh well.

** Also kind of a fib. What can I say? We generally didn't go out for breakfast, and finding decaf in Costa Rica ain't exactly easy. But I did have a couple cafe con leche. They were quite tasty.