DEAR NEIGHBORS ____Liz______
My last knee replacement surgery went well. The right knee is now going to be replaced.
I leave here December 22 for overnight in the city. I must be at the hospital at 6 am on 12/23. I should leave the hospital 12/27 for the care facility in town for physical therapy. Home in early January.
I will not be driving for while. Fortunately I have friends who will drive me to continued physical therapy until the surgeon says I can drive.
I may need your help getting the garbage cans out or fetching my mail. I hope I may call on you for that help until I can do it. Last time I was driving 4 weeks after surgery. This time it is my right knee - the driving knee - so I may be house bound longer.
My great niece will have a garage opener in case she has to get in. If you see anything wrong - broken windows, smoke coming out, etc., please call 911 and inform my niece at ###-####.
I will stop the mail and newspapers.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Neighbor Lady is a sixty-something extremely overweight single woman who has seasonally-appropriate plastic animal decorations and a large kitty flag decorating her front porch at all times. She invited us over for muffins shortly after I moved in last year and it was the most awkward and uncomfortable 20 minutes of my entire life. If I remember correctly, Mr. B got the distinct impression that she was not a huge fan of men. I might be making that up.
After that, she attempted to generate a friendship, but as I am fairly anti-social, the most I could handle was a smile and wave across the cul-de-sac.
This is not the first such directive I've received from Neighbor Lady. She handed out an almost identical letter (sans holiday cheer) earlier this year before her first knee surgery. I wish I'd saved it for you -- that one referred to her breast cancer surgery in 2000 and the assistance she required from her neighbors at the time. To establish precedent, I suppose.
I admit, I'm feeling rather put-upon. I doubt I'll be offering to take out her trash or collect her mail. After all, that's what friends are for. I figure the ones driving her to physical therapy should be able to cover it.
I know, my place in hell is already reserved.
*Not her real name