I'll bet this hardly ever happens in your building.
He's right about that!
From: Someone
To: Everyone
Subject: URGENT: Full armor drill today
Importance: High
FULL BATTLE GEAR DRILL TODAY
[REDACTED] Building
Federal Protective Service will be in full armor today
with machine guns and all the battle gear to conduct a
DRILL on their readiness.
There will be plain clothes officers and additional
officers at both entrances and lobbies in full gear
including weaponry TO INCLUDE MACHINE GUNS.
We want to make sure you are aware of this exercise to
minimize confusion.
THIS IS A DRILL FOR FEDERAL PROTECTIVE SERVICE ONLY
NO ACTION NECESSARY ON OUR PART
Please share this information with those that may not
have access to email. We do not want to alarm anyone.
Thank you for your patience during these few hours.
Designate Official, [REDACTED] Building
I particularly enjoyed the phrases in all caps. Very thoughtful.
AFTER ALL, WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYONE TO BE ALARMED BY THE MACHINE GUNS, WOULD WE?
I think they heard of my plans to deface the official portraits of Howdy Shrubbee and Darth Cheney. Not many opportunities left...
ReplyDeleteB
(Hmmm...verification word is "wheence". It's all starting to make sense.)
that's hilarious!
ReplyDelete"NO ACTION NECESSARY ON OUR PART" nice touch.
ReplyDeleteI would be torn between hiding under my desk, whimpering, and sneaking up behind them and poking them with a stick to see just how damned "prepared" they really were.
So, Mr. B, need any help with the portraiture defacing? Remember Captain K?
On the other hand, if you work or study in an American high school, by now you're used to the announcement that everybody should remain secured in their classrooms because they've released the hounds. Three or four times a year on average, everybody (students and faculty) are told to leave the halls and public areas and stay in their classrooms with the doors closed, as uniformed police with big German shepherds prowl the halls searching for drugs in students' lockers. We have no idea whether the cops are wearing battle armor and toting machine guns, as we're not allowed to see them. The dogs are scary enough, I guess.
ReplyDeleteOur younger generation is getting pretty good at not being alarmed by such stuff. Whether or not this is a good thing remains to be seen...
Cheez Louise! Back in my day, they just pulled all the doors off the restrooms.
ReplyDeleteAnd who could forget the 'duck and cover' drills of the Cold War era? Those magical desks would protect you from nuclear bombs. I wonder if today's desks offer the same protection.
Young Son's school has regular 'Stranger Danger' drills, where the teachers lock down the rooms, pull the blinds, and the kids hide. I find that terrifying.
Full armor? I picture a bunch of knights in chain mail clanking around the lobby, trying to figure out how to work a machine gun. I bet most of them go back to the mace or the flail.
ReplyDelete