Mmmm... Spam!

Here at Tech Support Central we get tons of spam every day. Some are outright obscene (I try not to gawk), but the majority are simply stupid or are displayed in a non-Western character set. Happily, both those categories are easy to ignore.

But the German spam... ah, the German spam. The ones we get all seem to indicate... uh... sources of male enhancement products. (What's going on over there, anyway, Germany? Is there something you need to tell me?)

Here are what I can only assume are the super-effective* ones, based on how frequently they appear in our already-bulging spam folder:

From what I remember, ihren means their; Ihr means your. Fer chrissake, don't rag on me if I'm wrong. I'm recalling high school German from over 30 years ago!

Energy fur ihren Schwanz!
I doubt this is proper Deutsch, but it gets the point across, so to speak.

Doping fur Ihr bestes Stuck!
Probably only slightly more correct, but still, we get it.

Man lebt nur einmal....
Man (or One?) lives only once....
Now that's a nice way to frame it.

Potenzprobleme? Ab jetzt nicht mehr.
Power problems? From now on, no more.
Power of positive thinking, that's the ticket!

Ficken wie ein Weltmeister!
(Do it) like a world champion!
A nice, encouraging sentiment. Direct. Sets a clear goal.

Jetzt bestellen und ein blaues Wunder erleben
Now order and a blue miracle experience
Pure poetry! I think it's my favorite.

Why, oh why the fixation on German spam? I took just enough German in high school so that I must involuntarily attempt to pronounce every German word I encounter. Even though I no longer have any comprehension whatsoever, my brain just latches on to it.

Props to my German teacher, Mr. Schultz, for attempting to drill it into our thick little Hoosier skulls. Thanks. Really.

*The ads, not the products.

Additional rough translations courtesy of http://babelfish.yahoo.com