Friday, May 29, 2009

B.U.I. Alert

I'm sensing my time as a temporary invalid coming to an end. As this was the first time my back went completely on vacation, I've learned some very important lessons:

  1. Flannel jammie pants are right out. When you have little to no strength in your lower body, you may as well be wearing velcro on velcro sheets. It's not nearly as much fun as you might think. Satin sheets suddenly seem much less creepy.

  2. Clawfoot bathtubs, while lovely to look at, are absolutely useless in these sorts of situations. But you knew that already.

  3. A washcloth can only be expected do so much, especially when you can't bend over.

  4. Snickerdoodle Blondies are the food of the gods. Almost as good as Scotch, when you can't have Scotch.

  5. When you are stuck upstairs, every single thing you want and need is downstairs. Like, say, the rest of the Snickerdoodle Blondies.

  6. It's always 70 degrees and gorgeous when you're stuck upstairs.

  7. You should always make one last trip to the bathroom before popping your morning Percoset, especially if you're a cheap date like me. Getting this sequence of events correct is especially critical after your Significant Other goes to work and there's no one to pick you up if you miss the toilet.

  8. Snickerdoodle Blondies make great Percoset chasers.

  9. Percoset makes your pupils really, really small.

  10. Percoset also makes everything you write seem really, really funny.

I'm sure I'll remember this very special time fondly, especially the Snickerdoodle Blondies and Percoset, but I'm ready to get back to business. I may even get to attempt the stairs this evening after Mr. B gets home. And once I sober up, if I'm lucky, maybe this post will still seem at least half as entertaining as it does now.

Let this be a warning to you: Don't drug and blog, kids.

p.s. Check in later today for Fridays Rock! After my nap.


  1. Breakthrough! We figgered out how to get Liz into the shower: park a small step ladder next to the tub, have Liz sit on the top step, sling her legs over the edge on the tub and *VOT*, we do'd it.

    Ain't technology wonderful?


    Hmmm The periodic table hath spoken. "Cations" is the verification word. Sodium? Lithium?

  2. Sorry about your back. I've never had a snickerdoodle blondie but they sound fantastic. I have had percoset, but then you knew that already, didn't you?


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