Moving on back

So long story way short, I'm moving back into my previous house, the one I bought at the HEIGHT of the housing market and rented out when I moved in with Mr. B. It's too bad, really; Mr. B's house is a darling 1930s-era brick house but it's just too damned much work (and money) for me to deal with by myself. So it's back to my mid-90s cookie-cutter place. Where the home owners association cuts the grass. Oh yeah.

It's going to be a bittersweet farewell. Feels like the close of the last chapter in our relationship. I'll be right back where I was when we were just starting out -- we'd only been together about six months when I bought the place.

The tenants will be out in less than two weeks. I'm anxious to get in there, measure, and change things up a bit to mark this as a fresh start. There's really no rush, other than at some point the bank is going to want the keys to Mr. B's house back. I figure I have the summer to paint, move, and get settled.

As I am fond of telling everyone (repeatedly) this will be my fifth move in just under five years. I want my pin, dammit!
 

Break out the thongs!

Oh relax, I mean flip flops. Please.

It's Room Temperature Day, the first day of the year we hit 70 degrees. It's about effing time!

I didn't mark it last year, but RTD 2009 was April 5, and the year before it was April 12. Here we are at May 19th -- how wrong is that? Could be worse, but not by much. Someone on the teevee said that the latest date Sea-Tac Airport hit 70 was May 23, 2003. Cutting it awfully close, aren't we?

I'm not exactly encouraged by what this implies. Could be a green tomato summer around here.

Trust me, that's not nearly as much fun as it sounds.
 

Party On!

I've been feeling kind of bad for keeping comments turned off. Not feeling bad enough to turn them back on -- I could easily go the rest of my life without reading another comment from an escort service in Mumbai -- but I do miss hearing what you think, etc.

Also, I usually have a couple of completely inappropriate ideas each day that just don't quite qualify as blogfodder. I feel guilty for not taking the time to germinate them into full-fledged posts, but by the time I get around to it, the Shiny Bus has driven past again and I'm already on to The Next Thing.

I've been stewing over it and I think I have at least a partial solution.

Over on the left there you'll see a tiny pic of Little Lizzie. If you are on Facebook, and click the "Like" button, you'll see updates from my new Anyway, I Was Just Thinking page in your Facebook news feed. You can also visit the page, comment, sass me back, or whatever you like. If you're already one of my Facebook friends, be sure to "Like" the page as well 'cause you won't want to miss any of the ***Exclusive Content!!!***

Sorry, got a little carried away there. Anyway, I will be posting stuff there that you won't see here or on my personal Facebook profile. I suppose that means my personal profile is about to get a whole lot more boring.

How's that for a sales pitch?

If you're not currently on Facebook but don't want to miss the fun, you could set up a Facebook account with minimal information. You could go as far as to set up a spare email account on Yahoo or Gmail or Hotmail or whatever so you don't have to use your real email. We won't tell a soul. No one would ever know!

So join us! I've already acquired my first dozen "Likes", which means I'm well on my way to gathering my twelves of readers around me in Facebook Land.

What do you think? Come on over and tell me all about it.
 

Weird Shit That Has Happened To Me #2137: The Voice

For the last week or two, most mornings as I turned on the monitors, computer, desk lamp, etc., on my desk, I'd been catching the faintest sound of a snippet of a garbled voice.

I tried to pin it down, but as I eliminated possibilities my theories got more and more ridiculous. Were my speakers picking up a snatch of CB talk, even though they were powered off? My second monitor also has a built-in speaker, but it's not connected to anything. Could it be that? Is that even possible? Does my computer have some kind of weird virus that produces sound upon boot-up? Did someone hide a prank electronic toy in my office that somehow talks when I turn on my computer? Or maybe do I need to get my meds checked again?

But yesterday, as I turned on my desk lamp -- the one with the fancy full-color halogen (fluorescent?) bulb -- I heard The Voice. I happened to be looking in the exact right place at the right time and there it was: Sid, the talking fast-food toy.

I turned the lamp off, then on, then off, then on. Each time the lamp fired up, Sid obliged me with one of his snappy, unintelligible catchphrases.

I picked up Sid and rotated his left arm. He told me "everyone loves Sid." I smiled. No one was going to believe this. I needed to shoot some video! I set Sid back on the lamp base and pulled out my camera. Turned off the light, hit record, and turned the light back on.

Nothing.

I spent the next ten minutes trying to replicate the exact conditions. No joy. Sid just stood there. The moment of magic was gone forever; my opportunity for a once-in-a-lifetime video of an apparently unreproducible phenomenon shot all to hell on the whim of a plastic sloth.

Fuck you, Sid.
 

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

Braces, Day 2: I've made it through the whole morning without chomping through my cheek once! I guess that means it's going to be a good day. I wonder, is it bad to stick wax on every single bracket? Does wax stay in your stomach for seven years like gum?

Love,
Lizzie

Oh, how I wish I could say I wrote this thirty-eight years ago... but no. I confess that I have joined the legions of fifty-something-year-old women with braces. All I need is a Mini Cooper and a purse that cost more than my first car and the stereotype will be complete.

It kinda sucks, but I am thankful I don't have to wear a headgear this time. I am also thankful I am now old enough to drink, and for my small stash of (probably expired) prescription pain meds. Just in case, you know.

Another advantage this time around: Instead of metal bands around each tooth, I only have metal bands on the molars. Brackets are glued on the front of the other teeth. The ones on the top are even white! Disadvantage: The brackets are whiter than my teeth. Yeah, it's a good look. How good? Let's just say I won't need to worry about spending time on the dating sites any time soon.

As bad as it looks, it's still an improvement over last weekend. Thursday I had a bottom front tooth extracted to make room for the fun to come. Oh my. The first time I saw the result in the mirror I almost peed myself. It was horrifying. A school kid missing a front tooth is cute. Someone with an AARP card? Not so much. Longest weekend ever, waiting for my appointment to get wired. As bad as the braces look, at least they somewhat obscure the ginormous canyon behind my lower lip.

Yeah, it's self-imposed, and yeah, I'm lucky to be able to do it. But do you think for one moment that I'm going to pay all that money and not enjoy the opportunity to whine about it in public?

Buckle your seat belt, baby. Two years.
 

And the number of the counting shall be four...

(Yeah, that's a misquote from a Monty Python skit. That shit never gets old.)

So, are you sick of me saying "x years ago" yet? You're in luck, this might be the last time. But first we have to get through the last time, so bear with me. I'll talk fast and get through it as quickly as possible.

Four years ago today, Mr. B and I realized we were dating. The roller coaster took off and the wild ride began.

Not sure why, but today feels like the natural endpoint of that ride. Sure, next February anniversary season will begin again, but I think I'm done counting... at least out loud. At least maybe I will finally stop linking to those "Year Ago" posts.

(It's OK. I know you were thinking it.)

I've been practicing looking forward, and I'm starting to kinda like it. Maybe, eventually, I can even figure out how to get the funny back.

(I know you're really looking forward to that now, aren't you?)

(Don't answer that.)
:)
 

If at first (and second) you don't succeed...

Yep, I'm back on the dating sites. No, I don't know why.

Take that back, I know exactly why.

Nephew Dr. J and Br. B (Mr. B's brother) were up a couple of weekends ago to take care of some of Sr. B's stuff. I got to hang out with two fun guys all weekend.

Made me realize how much I miss guys. I always had guy friends when I was younger. I've always liked to hang out with guys. Being married to a sailor for decades had its upside in that regard.

It pretty much comes down to that: I miss guys.

Last time I tried, I realized I was trying to fill the Mr. B-shaped void. This time, somehow, I know it's different. I know it's just for me. I have no need to frantically search for love or jump right into an LTR. I simply want to go out and meet guys that I like. Let things go as they may.

Girls, even old ones, sometimes just wanna have fun, you know?

What a difference from four years ago, when the thought of even leaving my couch was overwhelming.

It's been a revelation, stepping into this from a much more, well, normal place.

Uh oh... do you think I'm finally becoming an adult?!?
 

So it begins

Four years ago last week I sent the email that started it all.

Five months ago last week it ended.

Four years. Seems like 100 years ago. Almost feels like it didn't happen to me. In a way it didn't, I suppose, since I am not the same person I was four years ago.

Believe me, that's a good thing.

On a completely separate topic, my chiropractor's been doing Graston Technique treatments on me, hoping to get rid of some low-level chronic back pain. The goal is to gently break up small adhesions, scar tissue, etc. that have formed in the muscles over the last half century years. It's a little uncomfortable and there's some soreness, and sometimes bruising, but the body heals up these small traumas and the muscles are supposed to regain more normal mobility.

(Yes, there's a point to that last bit. Wait for it...)

Four years ago it began. Five months ago it ended. It was traumatic. Got me some new scar tissue, on top of even older scar tissue. My emotional mobility is somewhat restricted right now, and there's some chronic, low-level pain. I could medicate, and while that's always fun, it wouldn't make it better.

What a ridiculously accurate metaphor, eh? Seriously, I couldn't fabricate anything better than that.

Speaking of fabrication, I tried to write a short bio the other day for a photo blog I'll be participating in. I realized if I tried to recount the events of the last four and a half years, no one would believe me. It sounds completely over the top, like a bad Lifetime movie.

I'm looking forward to a time when I can stop playing that bad movie over and over in my head, and maybe focus on what's ahead. Or even the present, but I'm not even sure I know how to do that.
 

Take two

Today's question: Something's shifted. The tone has changed. Do I start over with a new blog, or keep on with this one, even though, as far as I can tell, the funny (such as it was) has fallen out?

One reason to keep this blog is that it's been around for over three years, which is like 30 in internet years. Long enough for me to have become the target of spammers --guess that's some measure of, uh, success. I actually got pissed enough to turn off comments. Since I seem to be a bit of an attention-whore, that's a big deal.

I love knowing there's a teeny little audience out there. Will I post if there's no chance of getting virtual pats on the head in return? Tough one.

One reason to close this blog is the archives. Documentation of three insanely beautiful, agonizing, frustrating, exhilarating years of my life. It's an exquisitely painful reminder of getting what I always wanted, discovering reality rarely follows the scripts of our wildest dreams, watching it all slip away. Also, the realization that lightening won't strike twice. That was it-- that's all I get.

Sucks.

Do I stay or do I go? The answer? No clue. Can't wait to see how it all works out.
 

The Grand Experiment

Believe me, I tried, but I couldn't find a good enough excuse to get out of it.

I've set up some rules of engagement so I'm not just dangling in the breeze. No Facebook, although I do get email notifications when someone posts on my wall or sends a message. It would be rude not to read those, right? Personal email twice a day, morning and evening. Blog feeds in the morning, and the newspaper online. Videos and music are allowed, but no (gulp!) games. Also, I've decided blogging is allowed, since it's the closest thing I have to journaling. And everyone says journaling is good, right?

Sounds harsh, but it's not that far off from the way things were 15 years ago. Well, except for the blogs and newspapers and music and video...

OK, not really, but you get my point.

Yeah, I'm kinda scared. I'm not going cold turkey or anything, but the thought of all that TIME opening up has me feeling a bit agoraphobic. And we all know how much I love changes in my routine. Heh.

Three, two, one....