Mr. Can't-find-his-hyphen-with-both-hands called recently.
By the time we got off the phone (after an hour!) we were both so confused that I have no idea whether I helped him or not.
Somewhere along the way he mentioned that he first visited The Big City in 1929. That explains a lot, bless his aged little heart.
BTW, did I tell you he's running Vista? There oughta be a law...